Click to embiggen and take in the divalicious glory. She got her hands on her hips like she know the cops can't possibly be there to bother her. And you know she is just daring that female cop to step out of bounds...she's all "come get you a piece, ho" with her bottoms God knows where and C-section scar all on display. Shameless. I really wish I knew the story behind this scene because it has to be a real humdinger.
Its starting to get really sad out here for Gary. First he was selling old gaming systems and Baby Gap clothes on eBay, then he made a fool of himself with that "differently abled" wife of his on Divorce Court but this ad for New York Fries is upsetting me. They put dude in his old Diff'rent Strokes clothes, slapped a wig on him and got him looking like a damn fool. And to think there was a time when this was the low point of his career:
The fact that dude came on TV singing a duet with Gary Coleman wearing some shiny ass gold cowboy boots and talking all greasy about Michael Jackson is making me want to send Dion Mial a friend request on Facebook. He is obviously out of his gotdamn mind.
A pony and a princess! That is exactly what all horror films need to make them awesome...a princess and her little pony! This movie looks like it is going to be a trainwreck of unlimited potential and I refuse to pass on all of the lulz that I am guaranteed to to get from it. Thank you Rob Zombie for making what I expect to be the biggest comedy of the summer.
(click pic for the greatest cartoon experience of your week)
Fuzzy Lumpkin was my favorite character on the PowerPuff Girls cartoon (yeah I watched the PPG show, wanna make something of it?); I don't know exactly what Fuzzy was supposed to be but to me he was a mutant hillbilly bear with pink fur and antenna who really loved his privacy. So imagine my surprise when I'm watching a video of a woman attacking a news crew, imploring them to get off her property, and swinging wildly at them with a garden hoe. Of course the first thing that came to my mind was a certain furry pink cartoon hillbilly. And imagine my utter delight at finding out the woman's last name is also Lumpkin. he only thing that could make it better would be if the reason the news crew were at her house was to ask her questions about her underage granddaughter working for months at a local strip club.
Okeydokey...the setting is sometime in the 1980's (1984 I think) and a wandering karate master enters a local dojo to prove his Jesus style of martial arts is better than whatever style (looks like the Whoop Dat Trick! style to me) the dudes at this dojo employ. So a martial arts exhibition is what we are supposed to see but it quickly deteriorates into something you'd expect to see at the Sensei John Kreese's Cobra-Kai dojo. They beat Bruce Leroy's ass like his name was Daniel-san and then dump his limp carcass in the alley out back with absolutely no remorse shown. In the immortal words of Rick James...those dudes are Cold Blooded.
It wasn't bad enough that the fast food chain formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken is polluting the world with their greasy ass fried chicken, toxic macaroni and cheese, dry as sawdust biscuits, and beef-infused "grilled" chicken but their latest addition to the menu is downright evil. They are introducing the Double Down chicken sandwich. This sandwich is made up of bacon, two types of cheeses and a special "Colonel's" sauce. But that isn't the kicker, nope what makes the Double Down special is that all of that gooey business I just described is placed between two fried chicken fillets. Yep, instead of buns KFC is using their greasy chicken as the bread in their new sammich. So far KFC is doing a slow roll out with the Double Down only being offered in Rhode Island and Nebraska...don't ask me what horrible statistics KFC is using that makes those two states the idea place for the debut of this monstrosity but whatever the criteria is Rhode Island and Nebraska should feel ashamed. And it looks just as horrible as it sounds.
and coincidentally one of Michael Jackson's songs was recently murdered by a twinky Asian kid. The high note at 2:55 will shatter glass and cause severe pain to any animals within earshot so be warned:
He has a whole catalog of videos where he sings Michael Jackson songs; his version of Smooth Criminal is something else. Check him out. I haven't seen such unadulterated joy on anyone's face since I took a bunch of Down Syndrome kids to a WWE show and was able to get our seats moved to the front row.
I love reality television, and not just any realty TV…oh no I go for the trashiest garbage that gets on the air. Give me a show about a has-been celebrity in a house with 20 skanky strippers/porn stars all fighting for his affection and I am a happy camper. The best trashy reality shows always have that breakout star and here are my top 5 for the last year or so:
5. Kyle from COLLEGE HILL: SOUTH BEACH COLLEGE HILL was originally created to be BET’s answer to the REAL WORLD and much like that show it started off with good intentions but quickly deteriorated into a show about spoiled children drinking, fighting, and having sex. Into this combustible formula was introduced Kyle, a true Southern belle with a loud mouth and a quick temper who fought with everyone on the show and didn’t hesitate to fight dirty even when it wasn’t necessary. Check out his highlight reel HERE and then take a look at him throwing tons of shade at the unlucky employees of a Winn-Dixie who did not recognize that they were in the presence of a true star:
Plus how can you not love someone who can put this much zesty panache into the simple act of eating ribs?
4. Nikki/DJ Lady Tribe from ROCK OF LOVE BUS Like a shooting star DJ Lady Tribe burned bright for only a brief time. Just as we were getting to know all of her wonderful eccentricities she was given the old heave ho by aging rocker, Bret Michaels on the third (or fourth) go round in his quest for true love. But oh how she shone, my friends. She shone her ass off. DJ Lady Tribe drank a lot, made out with other chicks, drank some more, read an original rap that she had written on an STD info sheet, and drank some more booze right out of the snootch of one of the other candidates! She was quite the lady. Don't believe me? Then just feast your eyes on her magnificence:
3. Kayla from THE BAD GIRLS CLUB Upon first appearance Kayla seems to fit the reality show stereotype of the tough talking black chick "who don't take no mess", and for the most part she fulfilled that role on TBGC (which is basically the Real World for maladjusted, slutty 20-something women). But once you peel away that outer layer of chickenhead you get a look at something else...you see that Kayla is insane. Yep, this chick could not have possibly gotten past a real psychiatric evaluation because she was crazy as hell. She referred to herself in the third person constantly, she picked fights with everyone, she was paranoid and saw attacks being aimed at her from everyone she met, and she embraced the idea that she was the "bitch of the house" despite not really living up to the title at all. See Kayla, who is from the rough and tumble streets of Compton, who threatened to whoop the ass of any man, woman, or child who looked at her sideways, and who didn't have time for dumb bitches...well this roughneck broad couldn't beat up a little, prissy white chick from Minnesota. Embarrassing.
2. Danger from FOR THE LOVE OF RAY J Continuing my fascination with mentally unstable women, we have Danger. Danger is a beautiful girl who for some reason decided to get a tattoo of a tiger. On her face. Yep, she's not all there. Danger is also totally uninhibited and totally in touch with her sexual nature as evidenced by the fact that she admits to being a bisexual call girl who happens to have boned a couple of Ray J's friends which kind of throws a monkey wrench into the whole love match they were working on. She also had a bunch of the women in the competition with her scared for their lives when she admitted to thinking about killing a few of them as well as making Ray J a bit wary when she admitted that she has attacked former boyfriends physically. She also has a penchant for claiming to be pregnant by celebrities even when she isn't. She is indeed a catch.
1. Chloe Lattanzi from ROCK THE CRADLE Chloe is the daughter of Olivia Newton John and if you couldn't tell by the extensive amounts of plastic surgery she has had, Chloe is a bit of a troubled soul. So in a bid to jumpstart a singing career that really has no shot in hell of being successful, Chloe signed up for this crappy show MTV put on where children of pop stars compete in an American Idol type setting. Anyhoo Chloe didn't win which was a travesty since she was the only performer who made you pay attention to her. She is just so disturbingly fascinating but words really don't do her justice. Everything that is so awesome about her is summed up in her cover of Britney Spears' Toxic. This is what brilliance looks like, folks now sop it up with a biscuit:
Click the pic to take a gander at the monkey business going on under Naomi's miniskirt. And while you're staring into the abyss ask yourself just what she was thinking going to a club in a short skirt with no panties on. That is the definition of stank.
The Good: Isabelle Fuhrman, star of this flick, is amazing. Sure her Russian accent is a bit dodgy but she more than delivers on the deranged, murderous child part of Esther. She is almost as good at playing genuine, childlike evil as the original Bad Seed Patty McCormack.
The Bad: The movie was waaaay too long at 123 minutes, I could name a ton of scenes that they could have cut to get this project down to a manageable 90 or so minutes. It also wasn't particularly scary or even shocking at all.
The Ugly: The "BIG TWIST". Yep, Orphan is one of those movies that was marketed as having a "BIG TWIST". And not just any "BIG TWIST", mind you, oh no, Orphan's "BIG TWIST" was so shocking that you could never guess what it was. Ever. In your whole life.
So of course I guessed the "BIG TWIST" about 15 minutes in. And it wasn't really all that twisty. Stupid? Yes indeed but not very twisty. I mean the premise was lifted from an old Bug Bunny cartoon for goodness sake!. I started referring to Esther as Finster in my head by about the 30 minute mark.
Final Verdict: In the end Orphan was a movie that started well and then got bogged down in its own ridiculousness so for that reason I have to give it only two Really Angry Jessica Simpsons:
The VIEW's recently downsized purveyor of Earth's flatness, 1st time voter, and resident braintrust Sherri Shepherd and The Looney Tunes whirling dervish from down under Taz. Don't act like you can't see it.
Oofa! She was looking downright homicidal. I am going to chalk this up to jet lag, and maybe some bloating because she looks dog tired and a bit lumpy in this vid. And her arm is probably killing her what with recent surgery and trotting all over Africa. But damn she lost it momentarily and the the beeyotch just come growling through. What makes this worse is that the interpreter got the question wrong and instead of asking her what Bill Clinton's thoughts were on international finance, the student was actually asking about what Pres. Obama's thoughts on it were. At least she later found the kid and apologized for ripping him a new one.
They are just too damn shameless! Skip the fact that they were speeding through town like bats out of hell on a sunny day in their PT Cruiser. Look past the nonsense about being cougars (musk rats is more like it) and needing to get the hair dresser (despite one of them being bald and another wearing a ratty ass wig). Ignore the fact that they had about 3 teeth between them. When they got out of that car and started dropping it like it was hot in front of that police officer I damn near died of embarrassment for whatever unfortunate souls has the bad luck og being their children. And I just knew the one who did the split was not going to make it back to a standing position. You could almost hear the creaking noises coming from her worn out old bones.
Somehow (and this is some seriously inexplicable shit as far as I'm concerned)the hottest rapper in the world right now is Drake. For those not in the know, Drake is the pseudonym under which Aubrey Graham performs while rapping. Aubrey Graham is known to a certain portion of the public as Jimmy "Wheelchair Jimmy" Brooks from the Canadian teen soap opera, DEGRASSI. So right there I am a bit flummoxed as to how a child actor from Toronto's affluent Forest Hill neighborhood is now running around with that crusty looking scoundrel Lil Wayne and making silly ass statements like "he can still represent the hood" despite where he comes from. That type of thinking is an automatic fail in my book. But that is neither here nor there...what got me to write this entry is a video of Drake taking a major L on stage during a performance with Lil Gollum and having to be carried off stage:
I am sure that if Aubrey had pulled his pants up he probably wouldn't have fallen like that. Saggy jeans are a death trap, people! Anyhoo, this unfortunate episode has me hoping against hope (and being a smidge mean-spirited) to see Drake/Aubrey tooling around in a wheelchair while he heals. Let's bring back Wheelchair Jimmy from Degrassi High. I miss that guy and at least this time it would only be temporary, not like what happened when that crazy kid shot him on the show. Plus he can still rock out!
Who: Rodell Vereen The Honored Douchebaggery: Well, Mr. Rodell is being bestowed this dubious honor due to his being charged with the act of buggery. And not just any old buggery mind you. Nope, Rodell buggered a horse. Named Sugar. Twice! And then he had the gall to go on local TV in order to explain himself and implore his family to accept him as he is. Now I am not the most judgmental guy on the planet, I subscribe to the "live and let live" motto, but I can't think of any good excuse for being a multiple time horse rapist and if I happen to be related to you, I'd have to say that your buggering a horse is acceptable grounds for me disowning your crazy ass. But that's just me.
